LIFE: Graduation, Lifestyle and other Business
It's been a a while since I last posted, a line I've repeated ad nauseam since starting the life blog. Changes have been going on that, for the most part, have been positive. I finally finished law school and currently find myself studying for the Bar Exam on September. Though my hypoglycemia has popped up on occasion, I've mostly kept a steady rhythm of food and movements that will hopefully get me under control.
Today I'm going to talk about the failings I've experienced as someone who wants to be active in social media, who wants to be more out there and yet finds herself stifled by her own self doubts and overestimating her limitations. This is a critical post, to see what comes out of it.
For starters, I have to ask myself: what do I hope to gain from being a lifestyle blogger/vlogger? What do I hope to convey? What stops me from reaching those goals and how can I fix them? Is there something to fix at all?
The first question, I find it to be the easiest to answer but hardest to reconcile: validation and assurance.
In this particular point in time, people want validation more than ever. That I'm doing something right and others can see it, maybe get inspired. It's a selfish way of thinking that most just don't really think, just do. It really is intoxicating how that "like" or comment can make you feel, as it hits on the euphoric parts of the brain. I've gone through times where I want to post things for the likes, because it makes the effort worth it. That I didn't waste my time setting all of this up for nothing. That I can be remembered somehow.
I love thinking of ideas to write or film, because I know there's an audience. Which brings me to the next question:
What do I hope to convey?
This question is arguably more esoteric than the self examining questions from before. What exactly is the goal of what I do, what I post, what I film? As I write this post, it feels like asking this question lifts the fog where the answers lie. I don't want to show an idealized, highly edited vision of my life, I want to put it out there so when I can look back, I can see where I can improve. It's probably why I carry my small and old camera around.
I also want to convey the journey to the bar exam, to recovering from disasters and into a proper adulthood. I still feel trapped in the mentality that I should've been doing more with my life by age thirty. Like I should've traveled the world, visited friends in far off places, have my own business. But the more I compare myself to those outdated goals, the less I feel a connection to them. The world has changed since I made those goals back in tenth grade. I have to adapt to the circumstances that have gotten me this far, obstacles and all.
I want to convey someone who's development is ongoing, as a professional, as a minimalist, as someone who advocates and practices a zero-waste/low impact life to the best of my ability, as someone who enjoys beauty and health and every screw-up along the way.
What stops me from reaching those goals and how can I fix them?
This is another question that gets a self-deprecating answer that rolls off the tongue far too easily to be healthy: my lack of focus and attention. The moment I finished Law School, I found myself free of a rigid schedule outside of work, and I wanted to do it all. I wanted to restart my old comics and fanworks, I wanted to hit the gym, I wanted to go vegetarian, I wanted to vlog daily, to review products, all while studying for the bar exam and going to work.
That...is way too much on one plate, to the point that if this were all a buffet, the cooks would be asking if I was eating food for the sake of it. Scheduling and habit tracking could help but it's my lack of wanting to stick to a schedule that makes a lot of plans fall to the wayside.
Is there something to fix at all?
Thankfully yes, there is a way for me to fix my own problems: commitment, affirmation and being realistic. I can't use passive language like "I need to wake up earlier," as it defers the action further down the line. It is "I'm waking up earlier tomorrow." Writing down all the tasks that need doing helps, a practice I've been doing my best to keep on with my discbound notebook. Writing things down, and color-coding tasks makes them present, and I have to commit to them.
Time-blocking's a tool I'll start using more, as there's PLENTY of time in the day, but I have to use it properly. I'm unfortunately not very disciplined at times, and relying on pressure never gets me the 100% I should be doing. I want to do it all, but I have to realize some things are best left for the weekends, and specifically Sundays.
As for the more creative ventures, I should treat them as the feedback and see what can be improved.
Today I'm going to talk about the failings I've experienced as someone who wants to be active in social media, who wants to be more out there and yet finds herself stifled by her own self doubts and overestimating her limitations. This is a critical post, to see what comes out of it.
For starters, I have to ask myself: what do I hope to gain from being a lifestyle blogger/vlogger? What do I hope to convey? What stops me from reaching those goals and how can I fix them? Is there something to fix at all?
The first question, I find it to be the easiest to answer but hardest to reconcile: validation and assurance.
In this particular point in time, people want validation more than ever. That I'm doing something right and others can see it, maybe get inspired. It's a selfish way of thinking that most just don't really think, just do. It really is intoxicating how that "like" or comment can make you feel, as it hits on the euphoric parts of the brain. I've gone through times where I want to post things for the likes, because it makes the effort worth it. That I didn't waste my time setting all of this up for nothing. That I can be remembered somehow.
I love thinking of ideas to write or film, because I know there's an audience. Which brings me to the next question:
What do I hope to convey?
This question is arguably more esoteric than the self examining questions from before. What exactly is the goal of what I do, what I post, what I film? As I write this post, it feels like asking this question lifts the fog where the answers lie. I don't want to show an idealized, highly edited vision of my life, I want to put it out there so when I can look back, I can see where I can improve. It's probably why I carry my small and old camera around.
I also want to convey the journey to the bar exam, to recovering from disasters and into a proper adulthood. I still feel trapped in the mentality that I should've been doing more with my life by age thirty. Like I should've traveled the world, visited friends in far off places, have my own business. But the more I compare myself to those outdated goals, the less I feel a connection to them. The world has changed since I made those goals back in tenth grade. I have to adapt to the circumstances that have gotten me this far, obstacles and all.
I want to convey someone who's development is ongoing, as a professional, as a minimalist, as someone who advocates and practices a zero-waste/low impact life to the best of my ability, as someone who enjoys beauty and health and every screw-up along the way.
What stops me from reaching those goals and how can I fix them?
This is another question that gets a self-deprecating answer that rolls off the tongue far too easily to be healthy: my lack of focus and attention. The moment I finished Law School, I found myself free of a rigid schedule outside of work, and I wanted to do it all. I wanted to restart my old comics and fanworks, I wanted to hit the gym, I wanted to go vegetarian, I wanted to vlog daily, to review products, all while studying for the bar exam and going to work.
That...is way too much on one plate, to the point that if this were all a buffet, the cooks would be asking if I was eating food for the sake of it. Scheduling and habit tracking could help but it's my lack of wanting to stick to a schedule that makes a lot of plans fall to the wayside.
Is there something to fix at all?
Thankfully yes, there is a way for me to fix my own problems: commitment, affirmation and being realistic. I can't use passive language like "I need to wake up earlier," as it defers the action further down the line. It is "I'm waking up earlier tomorrow." Writing down all the tasks that need doing helps, a practice I've been doing my best to keep on with my discbound notebook. Writing things down, and color-coding tasks makes them present, and I have to commit to them.
Time-blocking's a tool I'll start using more, as there's PLENTY of time in the day, but I have to use it properly. I'm unfortunately not very disciplined at times, and relying on pressure never gets me the 100% I should be doing. I want to do it all, but I have to realize some things are best left for the weekends, and specifically Sundays.
As for the more creative ventures, I should treat them as the feedback and see what can be improved.
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